Hewlett-Packard Motto “Selling Chinese Garbage To Americans, Paying Foreigners To Tell Them It’s OK”

Just a note to anyone who is thinking of buying a Hewlett-Packard product.

DON’T DO IT! You and your family will be much better of without the incredible amount of frustration and aggravation that will reign down upon you, should you buy a new Hewlett-Packard “Piece Of Excrement.”

Do yourself a big favor, unless your idea of a good time is buying a product that will immediately cease to work, after the incredible workload of three, that’s 3, copies in 3 months! Having, of course, to uninstall and re-install it both times, after the initial installation.

I realize it might be considered unreasonable for anyone to think such a workload could be handled by a new Hewlett-Packard machine, an Officejet 4500, which will be refered to for the rest of this article as what it is, a “PIECE OF Excrement”, or, “POE.”

If  you have money and time to waste, by all means buy a new Hewlett-Packard “POE”. I can tell you what you can look forward to. Once you have made the biggest mistake of your life, putting you and your family’s peace of mind at terrible risk, you can immediately start making trips to your local Fed-ex Kinkos to make copies and pick up your re-directed faxes, the ones your new Hewlett-Packard “POE” at home won’t send or receive.

Hewlett-Packard does try and make the world a smaller place, by introducing you to many fine people around the world, some of whom can actually be understood if you ask them to speak real slow. Somehow, they have managed to pay these people from anywhere in the world but America, to try and teach you, in your hours of interactions with them, how to build a (printer, computer, or whatever Hewlett-Packard “POE” you have been unfortunate enough to purchase).

Somehow, after spending  hours of your time, and being driven to the limits of your patience, (your family really enjoys this part, watching you fight with a new Hewlett-Packard “POE,” trying to find ways to avoid contact with you, as you explode when the foreign tech asks incredibly stupid questions like, “Is it plugged in? Is it turned on?” Or, after it breaks down again, (it only works when the tech is on the phone, after a minimum of an hour. As soon as they are gone, the new Hewlett-Packard “POE” stops working, forcing another fun call, where you will be told, “It says here it worked after the last call, so it works.”

Even the foreign techs realize how much fun it is to call them over and over, so they think they have to weed out the purely pleasure calls to find the ones that concern a repeated breakdown of the Hewlett-Packard “Piece of Excrement.”

You get the idea. Hewlett-Packard is in business to steal your money selling sub-par Chinese “Pieces of Excrement,” so they can redistribute your hard earned money around the world to foreigners, for much less then they take in selling the new Hewlett-Packard “Pieces Of Excrement”, making a fortune on the difference.

So, if you want to meet new people from around the world, and alienate and scare your friends and family once you have been driven to anger and frustration by a Hewlett-Packard “Piece of Ecrement,” then by all means purchase a Hewlett-Packard “Piece Of Excrement.”

If you actually want to print or send documents, or any of the normal acts associated with computers, avoid them, (Hewlet-Packards “Pieces of Excrement”), at all costs.

Pardon me,as I download this to a memory stick on my computer, right here next to my Hewlett-Packard “Piece of Excrement”, so I can go back to Fedex Kinkos, print copies to mail to friends without computers, and fax this to the Hewlett-Packard Headquarters, which happens to be in Palo Alto California.

This has been a public service announcement.


There are 4 comments left Go To Comment

  1. piusg /

    I too share your pain with Hewlett-Packard gear. They were once the kings of the printing industry; now, they’re the biggest hunks of crap on the planet.

    I had bought an HP 6500 AiO that kept losing its connection with my wireless LAN, necessitating its restart every single time anybody in the house actually wanted to print anything. Now, I’m a pretty bright guy, and a professional system administrator to boot; yet, after several days on the phone with HP and their abysmal support, it was determined that the 6500 series suffers from a known firmware bug that prevents it from waking up from sleep mode when it detects wireless traffic bound for it. However no new firmware had been released for the machine in roughly six months.

    After escalating my problem all the way up to the highest levels of their customer support–and -finally- talking to someone in the States (*gasp*)–I was informed that the 6500-series was EoL’d and that they were not going to be releasing any new firmware fixes for my printer. Worse, since it was technically out of warranty, they refused even to replace it with a printer that -would- work.

    I told them that I, as a sysadmin for a large solution provider and VAR, and as a private consultant, I have the potential to influence the buying decisions of hundreds of potential HP customers. My warning fell on deaf ears, however, as I was still told to go pound sand.

    Their fix? Plug it into a wired network jack.

    My fix? Well, see for yourself.

    If I’d wanted to plug it into a wired networking jack, I would not have gone out of my way to buy a wireless printer, see? I would have loved to offer to take the remains of my 6500 and plug it into the CSR’s asshole.

    I replaced the unit with a Lexmark Platinum Pro S905 a year ago.

    It’s an awesome printer, A black ink cart only costs $5.00 (but they do soak you on the color carts), its drivers aren’t 95% bloat, and it prints every single time myself or anyone else in the house sends a job to it. Every. Single. Time. And its scanner is some kind of wicked fast. It’s also pretty easy on the eyes.

  2. Ron Reale / Post Author

    BTW, if they work so well, why 3 in ten years?
    Just askin’!

  3. Ron Reale / Post Author

    Hi, there, to you to!
    It is not just the fact that the machine doesn’t work, that could happen. It is the miserable customer service from foreigners, who feel I have hours, each time it breaks down, to do the same thing over and over, that obviously didn’t fix the problem the first time. On the repeat calls, after trying to print another page a month later, they fight with me because the last paperwork they have says the problem is solved! The thought that it could be broken again, or I am not calling because I enjoy interminable waits on the phone to speak with people I can’t understand is apparently beyond them. I have just spent another 3 hours today, uninstalling everything and trying to install it again. It only printed the test paper once, then stopped working. POS, as I stated. As non-English speaking people, they are “reading”, probably phonetically, a sheet of options, having me dismantle their POS. Over and over. Speaking to me like I’m an idiot, questions like, “is it plugged in?” “Is it turned on?”
    They are doing the jobs Americans just won’t do, supporting a company that builds crap in China, sells said crap to Americans, and hires low-wage people from around the world to give us the runaround. I don’t work for HP, and just because I made the mistake of purchasing their inferior product, doesn’t mean I should have to spend multiple nights losing hours of my time trying to get their stuff to work. If they want to pay me an hourly wage, cool, I’ll take the abuse with a smile.

  4. G Thomson /

    Hi there,
    I get the impression you don’t like HP products. I’ve had 3 HP printers over the last 10 years. My first one was a tractor printer that used bifold paper. I’ve never had a bit of trouble from them so, all I can say is, guess you got a lemon. I think Lexmark suck big time but, HP printers just keep on chugging along. They aren’t the “newest bestest, fastest” but my experience is steady reliable service.

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